Goodbye To You
by dulce.de.leche.go
Summary: Memory charm fic. Companion piece to Goodbye To Yesterday in Draco's POV. Draco returns for a final year at Hogwarts at The Ministry's behest, but there is a vital piece of him missing and constantly out of reach. Sometimes we find ourselves in the last places we'd ever think to look. M for language and mild sexual references. Response to a request made by hplvr15.
1. Author's Note

Hello again friends!

This fic is actually a companion piece to **Goodbye To Yesterday**. The idea for this wasn't actually my own and a request made by **hplvr15 **to write the story in Draco's POV. Since this wasn't under all the exact same restrictions as the initial fic, it's a little bit longer, but not too badly. I do suggest reading that one first, though it doesn't really _hurt_ anything if you don't. For your reference, the original parameters of **Goodbye To Yesterday** are as follows:

**Summary:** One of the main characters has to be the victim of _obliviate_.

**Pairing:** Your choice.

**Rating:** Any

**Genre:** Angst

**Length:** One-Shot/Short Story (10k words or less)

The setting for this piece is the same as the other, Post-War/Return to Hogwarts. Between the two fics, I tend to merge book and movie events for the most part, but there shouldn't be too much crazy stuff that would make this one completely awful (I hope).

Since the other piece was written as something of a songfic, this one is written in a similar way. My choice of music this time was **_Goodbye To You by Michelle_ _Branch_**_. _The lyrics are decent for the scenes but I know they don't always match up perfectly for each section, so please forgive that. It's not really a perfect match for the companion piece, but I admit to it being one of my favorite songs, so I very stubbornly wanted to use it. Listen to it anyway, I say. :)

Another thing to mention is there may or may not be a few (read: several) Tolkien quotes in here because I'm in a little bit of a phase again...it comes and goes. I tried to keep it to a minimum.

This was a challenge in and of itself to stay in Draco's POV because I'm very out of practice with that kind of writing. I apologize for any slips that may not have been caught in editing, but I appreciate you powering through it anyway! This was Beta'd by the ever wonderful **Rose Davis**.

Now, all that said and done...the story! I hope you enjoy. :)

-Slik


	2. Goodbye To You

**Disclaimer: **The characters herein and the Harry Potter universe are all property of J.K. Rowling. References were made to J.R.R. Tolkien's Lord of the Rings books and of course none of these things are my property either. I claim no ownership over any of these things and make no profit from any of this, it's all just imagined for fun with no ill intent.

* * *

><p><em><strong>_,.-'~'-.,_,.-'~'-.,_<strong>_

_**Goodbye to You**_

_**-.,_,.-'~'-.,_,.-**_

_"Take the bloody thing!"_

_I flinched backwards before I could stop myself, dodging her hand and the object that she thrust at me so frantically with a sneer affixed to my face. "Are you barking?! What on Salazar's name is wrong with you Granger, don't touch me!"_

_Her hands came at me again, she was crying, she was shaking, I didn't understand this sudden lapse in her sanity. She seemed fine a moment ago before she'd brought out that stupid bauble she held with such reverence. I know the war was still fresh in our minds, but this wasn't the know-it-all swot I remembered from before, this was a crazy woman. I'd never seen her so...desperate._

_"Please!" she blubbered, tears staining her cheeks, eyes puffy and unbecoming._

_It was sad and disgusting and it made...my chest hurt._

_"Please...please..." she whimpered, falling to her knees before me, still clutching that strange ring. Her head was bowed and I could barely hear her pleas beyond her sobs. She hiccuped and peered up at me once more, those brown eyes huge and watering and breathtaking. "Please...Draco..."_

_The way she said my name sent a shard of ice through me. It was like someone stabbed through my skull with a pick and the jarring pain of it nearly sent me to my own knees. I staggered a few steps as though she'd shoved me, even though she quite clearly hadn't moved even a centimetre from her spot. Bewildered, I eyed her slouched and crying form and felt my mouth curl in a feral snarl._

_"Don't presume to talk to me as though we're friends, Granger! Just because you and your band of misfits walked away from this all with shiny medals doesn't mean a damned thing. You're not my hero. You didn't have to speak for me at the trial, I never asked you to, and if you think I owe you anything, you're mad! You're fucking barmy! This whole thing – whatever it was you were trying to accomplish with this-" I motioned at the space between the two of us angrily, feeling my face heat and my head spin at her proximity and the renewed sound of her misery. "Just stay the fuck away from me!" I growled and stormed off back to the dorms, leaving her in a heap in the empty classroom, pushing away the pain in my head, chest, and limbs from the whole encounter._

_**.**_

_**_,.-'~'-..-'~'-.,_**_

_**Of all the things I've believed in**_

_**I just want to get it over with**_

_**Tears form behind my eyes**_

_**But I do not cry**_

_**Counting the days that pass me by**_

_**-.,_,.-'~~'-.,_,.-**_

_**,**_

I shook off my boots once again – the third time since entering the dungeons – kicking them free of the packed snow from my walk outside. I had thought to take a stroll to clear my head, but it was absolutely miserable out there. It was Christmas day and possibly the coldest it'd been all winter thus far. The chill leaked into every room of the castle that wasn't fortunate enough to have a blazing fireplace. It was nearly as bad as the numbing air that followed a Dementor. I would ignite the hearth soon enough after peeling off my wet socks, the copious amounts of snow having managed to sneak past the barriers of even _**my** _expensive footwear. At least I could count on peace and quiet in the common room.

Most of the other Slytherin students had returned home for the holiday and the remainder would avoid me like the Dragon Pox either out of fear or loathing...maybe a bit of both. About my only companion in this place was Blaise, but he'd gone home as well, the tosser. My sentence by The Ministry gave me the option of going home also, but I opted out. The Manor wasn't home anymore; it wasn't quite the nightmare that it used to be, but it was no place that I wanted to step foot in at the moment. Hogwarts wasn't much better between the acidic stares of the student body and the faculty, but at least here I had Ministry protection. No, it was just easier to stay here this time around. I could always distract myself and study to get ahead in lessons if I got bored anyway.

I snorted to myself, fingers working at the clasps on my heavy coat as I stood in front of my wardrobe. "Might as well shove a stick up my arse and call me _Hermione Granger_ if it gets to that point," I said to no one in particular.

Moments after Granger's given name passed my lips my head started to spin. I felt my eyelids flutter and I stumbled forward, catching myself just before I was to slam ungracefully into the magicked glass that looked out into the depths of the Black Lake. My palms hit the freezing glass and it was a shock to my system. My breath caught and my throat dried out. I started coughing, twitching, flinching at the light that was suddenly too bright in the room, my body doing whatever reflexive thing it could at the moment to dislodge the unsettling tingle and jabs of pain behind my eyelids.

It was just like that other time...that time when Granger tried to give me that bloody ring! She's been more of a pain in my arse this year than any other! I was sure I would finally be done with her after our last potions project, though thinking about the last time I actually spoke with the bitch made the ache in my head worse and a new pain erupted in my chest. It was stifling, I could barely breathe.

_**.**_

_**_,.-'~'-..-'~'-.,_**_

_**I've been searching deep down in my soul**_

_**Words that I'm hearing are starting to get old**_

_**It feels like I'm starting all over again**_

_**The last three years were just pretend**_

_**And I said,**_

_**-.,_,.-'~~'-.,_,.-**_

_**,**_

_I looked around at the other pairs of students, scowled really. To their credit, they barely picked up their heads to pay me any mind even though I'm sure they felt my glare burning holes in the backs of their heads. Slughorn must have had some sick sense of humor or just been completely oblivious to how much I hated his favorite little suck-up. With as much as I hated the witch, we were still indisputably the brightest students in his class and yet there were no ingredients to be seen on the cutting board in front of me...in fact, my bloody "brilliant" partner was still in the store room dawdling._

_"For fuck's sake," I growled impatiently and shoved off my stool to see what was taking so damned long._

_I could see her big bushy head from metres away and even at this distance she looked flighty and like she was doing her best impression of that Looney girl. Even more irritated at her uncharacteristically lax demeanor, I increased my pace, my shoes clacking loudly on the stone. I was sure she would've heard me coming, yet the second I stepped through the threshold of the store room she turned, oblivious to my presence, and slammed straight into me with an utterly dumbfounded look upon her prudish little face._

_I smirked at her expression, but I felt it falter when I saw her begin her backwards tumble. The previously gathered ingredients all scattered from her grip and her hands flailed about, whirling in great, comical circles trying to grasp anything she could to keep herself from plummeting to the ground. The next thing I knew, I was moving and then suddenly she was in my arms. I held her like we were mid-dance and I was dipping her backwards at the waist. Her hands stopped their flailing and latched onto me, one small hand digging into my shoulder and the other hooked into the meat of my forearm in a death grip. Her lower body was turned at a bit of an odd angle still, but with how close she was to me, pressed flush against my hips and thighs there in the confines of the store room, we morphed from appearing as dancers to lovers._

_The comparison brought a foul sneer to my face...except it didn't. I blinked in agitated confusion down at her face, she was blowing her unruly locks from blocking her sight and as soon as she focused on my face, her chocolate orbs grew huge. I forced an icy look into place as quickly as I could manage._

_"For fuck's sake, Granger, are you always this useless?" I spat in a harsh tone, ignoring her warmth in my grip._

_She swallowed audibly, staring at me seemingly in complete shock. My eyes trailed over her face, down the length of her neck and lingered there._

_That ring again._

_Over the knot of her tie rested the peculiar trinket that she waved at me so strangely so many months ago. The ring itself appeared simple but looked to be an expensive metal, certainly not something someone of her status – war heroine or no – would be able to afford._

_I felt her left hand twitch and her claws retracted themselves from my arm. When I glanced down to look, her hand had started lifting towards me then paused rigidly, her hand clenching into a fist like she were fighting with herself over something. I looked at her face again and she was searching mine, that same desperate woman I'd left alone, crying in a classroom. There was a warm tingle that started at my neck and was trickling down my arms, intensifying at the points where I still held her awkwardly to me for whatever reason._

_I scowled at the unwelcome sensation, caught her eyes, then sneered hatefully at her. Dirty Mudblood. I righted her easily, extracting myself from her touch and scrubbed my hands clean of her filth, chasing away those annoying fucking numbing tingles from my fingertips._

_"Come on, woman. Class has started and we need to get to work already. You were taking too long in here. Honestly, does it really take you that long to gather ingredients?" I ground out coldly, trying to take pleasure in the way her chest started to rise and fall rapidly at my words. Instead, I found myself frowning deeply when she cowered away, hair hiding her face and she puffed out a shaky 'I'm sorry' or two and dropped to her knees to recollect our ingredients._

_I watched her for a moment, she was still shaking her head and muttering and somehow I don't think she was just talking to me. She was fumbling with the lizard tails, they were just rolling in and out of her trembling fingers, and it was all I could stand._

_What happened to you, Granger?_

_"Merlin's sake," I cursed and knelt by her, snatching up the tails she kept knocking in and out of her reach before gathering them into a sack and moving on to the next items._

_Her gasp was a tiny thing, microscopic, but it was so quiet otherwise in that small room between us that it drew my eyes back to her. She looked wretched and I only noticed now because of how near she was to me, but the bags under her eyes were quite visible from this angle. Her bottom lip had been chewed nearly raw and looked to be freshly split on one side. Granger looked like she'd been crying for days – **eons** – in lieu of eating and sleeping. It reminded me much of how I'd spent many of my nights working on the cabinet...though I hardly think such a cryptic task had been assigned to Wizarding Britain's Golden Girl._

_What the **fuck** happened to you?_

_A glint of metal caught my eye, distracting me again from her. I narrowed my eyes at the ring that was now dangling between us, my hand coming up to touch the object curiously before I could even think better of it._

_I'd expected it to be cold, or at least cool, since even though she was wearing it, it wasn't against her skin; it wasn't. It was surprisingly warm, in fact, and almost soothing. I turned it between my fingers, furrowing my brow when my thumb brushed along the inside of it and a series of letters started etching itself into the metal. I watched the words form themselves:_

_'Not all those who wander are lost.'_

_I repeated the words in my head, they echoed in my ears, but it wasn't me who was saying them. It was a woman's voice. There was an image that flashed through my mind, but I couldn't make anything worthwhile out of it. I heard her voice again. It was faint and fleeting, like when I would try to reach for it to remember where I'd heard this before it would skitter far from my reach._

_I glanced up to find Granger staring at me, her eyes wide...hopeful._

_"This is that thing you were trying to get me to take when we...spoke that time, isn't it?"_

_As soon as the question was out, I watched her face fall. She tried to hide it, but the disappointment on her features was obvious and for the life of me, I couldn't understand why it made my heart ache to see it – to see that disappointment reflected at **me**._

_"It is," she said evenly._

_I did my best to ignore the pang in my chest and the growing pain in my head as well, touching and studying the tiny script as though it would help me remember where I'd seen this, one thing was for sure though: it wasn't **on** her. The ring was far too big to be worn by Granger herself. "Who did this belong to?"_

_There was a pregnant pause before she answered me. When she finally spoke, her voice held a deep sadness that rattled me to my core. "The man I loved," she whispered._

_I had to look at her then. I don't know why, but I did. The confession stunned me, as did the way the breath tried to shudder out of me at the admission. I flinched when our eyes met again. Was she this close before? I schooled my features into my best stoic mask, tried to anyway, and fought myself against my next question. "What...what happened to him?"_

_I watched her. I wanted to look away because it was too raw and I may have hated her but...fuck, I didn't hate her. I don't know how I felt about her really, but watching her shatter in that moment made the backs of my eyes sting. Her eyes immediately began to water and her chest stuttered with her short, involuntary gasps that she quite valiantly tried to stifle. Her lip, her jaw, her entire frame started to tremble and she **LOOKED** at me in that instant as though she would find a savior, a haven, some kind of respite in **me**...and then she shattered all over again because whatever she wanted to find, it just **wasn't** there._

_I'd never been so sorry for something I didn't understand in my entire life._

_"The war," she choked and gulped back what was surely a flood of tears._

_Granger was hyperventilating by the time she'd managed to get away from me, scrambling and scrabbling at the walls and shelves in the room to pull herself up and turn and RUN. She didn't look back at me, she didn't stop to give Slughorn some kind of excuse, she just ran, as fast as her legs could carry her._

_"Oh my word, was that Miss Granger?"_

_I looked to my side to see the Professor standing there looking worriedly in the direction of his classroom door. I frowned, looked at our cauldron with all of her belongings still set neatly next to the stool she'd occupied at the start of class, then back in the direction of the open door._

_"Sorry Professor, she wasn't feeling well. She went to go see Madame Pomfrey," I lied automatically._

_It was the least I could do. If nothing else, I understood that much._

_**.**_

_**_,.-'~'-..-'~'-.,_**_

_**Goodbye to you**_

_**Goodbye to everything I thought I knew**_

_**You were the one I loved**_

_**The one thing that I tried to hold on to**_

_**The one thing that I tried to hold on to**_

_**-.,_,.-'~~'-.,_,.-**_

_**,**_

I shuddered, clutching at my chest as the air finally started returning to my lungs. Peeling myself away from the icy window, I slid down the length of it, the cold press of glass at my back soothing. As I sat there, panting and doing my best to slow my breathing back to normal after gasping through whatever the hell just happened, the greenish-blue light from the sun shining through the lake shimmered over me. I'd always found the shifting patterns of light soothing and tried to concentrate on that verses any other of the errant thoughts racing through my head right now.

I tried to focus on anything but Hermione Granger, yet that impossible witch just wouldn't release me from her thrall. Ever since potions with Slughorn those weeks back she'd been avoiding me. The few classes I had with the Gryffindors that had her in them, she was nowhere to be seen and even during meals she wasn't sitting at her table. She must have arranged some kind of private tutoring and having her little Gryffin-buddies take her food. She couldn't possibly have just forsaken all of her studies and stopped eating for three weeks...could she?

I grunted, disgusted with myself at the bits of emotion that I reluctantly was able to identify as "worry", crept into my head. I sighed and thumped my head back against the window pane, ignoring the cold and allowing the light to play across my closed eyelids. The changing patterns of light and shadow lulled me into a daze, a memory of something similar floating to the surface, sometime before everything got so bloody complicated.

_**.**_

_**_,.-'~'-..-'~'-.,_**_

_**I still get lost in your eyes**_

_**And it seems that I can't live a day without you**_

_**Closing my eyes and you chase my thoughts away**_

_**To a place where I am blinded by the light**_

_**But it's not right**_

_**-.,_,.-'~~'-.,_,.-**_

_**,**_

_"So...you told them you were going to be at The Burrow this time?" I asked, watching her rifle through my wardrobe, currently clad in only her blouse, knee socks, and knickers._

_"I did," she replied absently, tugging my Quidditch jersey off of its hanger and eyeing it with interest._

_"And the wank-brigade, you told them you would be going home?" I continued my question, though I found myself distracted when she began walking towards my bed, my jersey over one arm and her hands working at the buttons of her blouse. As soon as she came within reach, I tugged her forward, had her settle on her knees before me and pushed her hands away. "Let me," I said gruffly, decidedly uninterested in however she fooled her friends and family into leaving her alone this time._

_"Don't call them that, Draco!"_

_Her smile betrayed her tone. She smiled that soft smile that I never got to see when we were outside of our designated safe areas and I smirked in response to the reprimand._

_"Sorry-" Not sorry. "-but that's the gist of it, yes?" I asked, revealing her smooth, unmarred flesh. Snaking my hands beneath the edges of her shirt, I stroked over her sides and the dark, lacy bra hiding her breasts from me. I leaned forward and dotted soft kisses to the tops of each pert little mound and felt her sigh and wrap her arms around my shoulders._

_"What did you tell your friends and family?"_

_I quirked an eyebrow and glanced up towards her face but didn't remove my lips from her skin and replied with a shrug, "That I would be staying at Hogwarts this year to fuck my girlfriend."_

_The resounding smack to my shoulder and sputter from the witch in my arms made me laugh. I flipped our positions, knocking her to my mattress and braced myself above her to look over the irate look she gave me and the flush coloring the bridge of her nose and cheeks._

_I reached out and brushed my knuckles over her forehead, smoothing her messy hair back with the rest of it fanning over my pillows. "I told them similar stories," I amended, watching her features calm some._

_"That wasn't funny!" she huffed, "I can never tell when you're serious or not..."_

_I smirked at the way she pouted, jutting that completely irresistible lip at me. "If I mentioned a girlfriend, they'd want to know who...and I'm not quite sure anyone is ready for this yet."_

_She chuckled but turned her head, eyes focusing on the play of light through the room's window. Her lips pursed then relaxed, then she drew the bottom one up between her teeth and I sighed, leaning on one elbow with the other draped over her waist._

_"Problem?" I tried to keep my tone patient, but I knew the irritation leaked out._

_Her dark eyes glanced sideways at me then refocused forward, her shoulder lifted in a little shrug. "I hate this."_

_"This?" I asked quickly, a bit loudly as well, a heat rushing to my chest and my head in a combination of terror and anger._

_She seemed to realize what she said just a moment later and turned back to me with huge brown eyes, her hands coming up to cup my face immediately, meeting my stare. "No! No, that's not what I meant."_

_She sighed and stroked my cheeks and down my neck, resting on my shoulders. Her hands brushed over my arms and chest, coming back to work at the knot of my tie until it was free and it was her turn to work at my buttons._

_"I hate hiding. I'm not ashamed. Ron...Harry...well...okay they'll flip their lids, but they're not my keepers!"_

_My earlier panic bled out of me when her skin came into contact with mine and I let out a rumble of satisfaction at her touch, eyes closing at the sensation. "There'll be a lot more people to worry about than just those two idiots."_

_She smacked my chest then rubbed away the sting; it made me smile._

_"Don't call them that," she warned._

_I ignored it and continued, "It's not that I even care about my friends or what they have to say, either. My parents would, of course, likely have kittens...particularly father-"_

_I grimaced, thinking about the harsh kind of beating I would receive if I admitted to be dating a Muggle-born witch. There wouldn't be screaming or arguing, no, just a good, old-fashioned, archaic beating. I felt her shift beneath me and opened my eyes in time to just shut them again at the sweet way she brushed her lips over mine. She'd told me before that I always got this one look on my face whenever I thought of father and it was very unbecoming, so she'd gotten into the habit of kissing it away._

_I felt her tongue trace along the seam of my mouth and let out a rumble of pleasure, opening for her and meeting her tongue with my own. She shifted again beneath me and her little hands tugged at the waist of my trousers, pulling me closer and urging me to nestle between her legs where I could feel the heat of her, her thighs coming up to press snugly on either side of my newly bared torso to hold me there._

_Perhaps I should think of father more often._

_She pulled away, letting her head fall lightly back onto my pillows and I listened to the reluctant growl that she pulled from me slip past my guard. She was looking up at me with a mischievous glint in her eyes, fingers burning lines over my flesh, her worries from before seemingly buried at the moment. I knew our situation bothered her, she'd told me before, and again, and **again**, but it was safer this way for her, I'd told her as much. Each time we would lapse into this pattern, this dance, and she would eventually go about making **me** feel better, pushing aside her own concerns when my thoughts inevitably wandered to dark places._

_Now, I knew it was still bothering her, but at the mention of my father, she pushed that aside once again and focused on me...I felt my jaw set and my mouth turn down in a frown. At the sight of her beneath me, giving me a rather deviant look, I might add, I realized the desire to have her on my arm in plain view had been growing with every encounter—every **day**. I realized that I also...hated this._

_Swooping in to catch her lips in a rough kiss, she squeaked in surprise but tangled her hands in my hair and her hips rubbed up against mine just the tiniest bit. I tasted her, swirled my tongue over her mouth and snuck past to tease her like she'd done me, pulling back suddenly enough to leave her flushed and panting._

_"Our last year...we'll come out with it our last year."_

_"What?" she asked fuzzily, still recovering from the snogging._

_"Our last year," I repeated, stroking a hand over her cheek, "It'll be less likely that my parents will try to extract me from Hogwarts just to keep me from seeing you, at that point."_

_She blinked up at me and I could see the thoughts whirling around in her head. "We'll still have to deal with both sets of our friends then."_

_"I'll take care of them."_

_I watched her bite at her lip in thought as she always did. It wasn't a great compromise, but we'd both be of age by the end of that year and I could take care of her then...protect her more easily._

_After an eternity, she nodded, her private smile blooming and settling into place for me – just for me. I indulged in it greedily._

_"I can agree to that," she said softly, trailing her fingers over me again. She grinned to herself, shook her head, and then looked like she was trying to chase it from her face._

_I eyed her suspiciously, chuckling at the faces she was making. "What are you on about?"_

_That brown gaze turned up to me, her face split in an impish grin. "We must take a hard road, a road unforeseen."_

_My brow furrowed at the randomness she spouted just then and would have missed the meaning if she hadn't still been giving me that humor filled look. Finally, it dawned on me where I'd heard the wording before and I rolled my eyes and rolled off of her with a grunt._

_"Oh for fuck's sake."_

_"I **told** you his writing could be applied to practically any situation."_

_I grunted again, rubbing at my face with one hand and adjusting myself in my trousers with the other. "I should start keeping count of how many times we were about to shag before you killed the mood with your strange obsession with this Muggle author." I heard her giggle and settle in beside me, nestling into my side and dotting a kiss to my chest._

_"His writing was **romantic**, Draco! You can't tell me it wasn't."_

_"Oh yes, reading about creation and lineage and all that's bollocks was very entertaining."_

_She smacked me. "I told you not to read that one first! Perhaps when you start listening to me, you'll start understanding that I'm right."_

_I snorted. "That'll be the day."_

_She hit me again and the slap nearly drowned out her quiet chuckle. "Don't be an arse!"_

_I peered at her from behind my hand, flashing her my best smirk. "Some things are ill to hear when the world's in shadow."_

_Her jaw dropped open at my retort, she blinked several times, and then she burst into a surprised round of laughter that made my limbs tingle and my body heat with the sound._

_That tinkling laugh subsided and she looked at me, mirth still glittering in her eyes. "The world is indeed full of peril, and in it there are many dark places."_

_I pulled her more comfortably into the circle of my arms, arranging us both so I could see her face and play with the curls that persisted in their plight to blind her and strangle me with their unruly mass. I thought about the texts I'd read at her insistence – they weren't bad, truthfully, even if this Muggle's ideas of elves and other creatures were romanticized. They had interesting imaginations, I'd give them that._

_Her head was a venerable encyclopedia, memory like a steel trap. These were some of her favorite novels and I know she had so much of it memorized that beating her at her own game would be difficult. I mulled over anything I could toss at her._

_"Faithless is he that says farewell when the road darkens," I replied finally, smugly._

_She gnawed at her lip, thinking. After a long silence she spoke in a tone of agreement, "There are some things that it is better to begin than to refuse, even though the end may be dark."_

_I thought of what our last year was to be like here and after. When I announce to everyone that this witch is mine...that we're together...with some of the things that have happened here over the last few years...there are plenty of wizards and witches beyond those we know that will have a problem with this. She'd told me before that Purebloods and Muggle-borns marry all the time – she'd blushed at the word, but I saw. She's right, of course, I'll never admit it aloud...but they do. Malfoys, however, have no such history of any unions, and until I met her, I'd planned to keep such a tradition going._

_My hand rubbed warmly up and down the length of her arm, her sigh puffing out across my skin. I glanced to the wardrobe where she'd been earlier, eying the drawer near the bottom, thankful again that she didn't go searching through it and ruin my surprise._

_"The hasty stroke goes oft astray." It was a quiet caution to the both of us, our game somehow having turned serious and solemn._

_I followed her with my eyes as she sat up. She was leaning over me, blanketing us with the curtain of her hair. "Not all those who wander are lost," she paused, leaning in until our noses brushed and her mouth ghosted over mine, "A light from the shadows shall spring."_

_I chuckled at her skillful omissions from her books to suit her needs. "It doesn't apply if you cheat," I said against her lips, one hand cupping the back of her neck to guide her more directly over me._

_She straddled my hips. "Like you didn't do the same," she replied tartly, though her heart wasn't in it. "It is all out of proper context anyway," she huffed, further defending her words._

_"That's different. You expect it."_

_She scoffed and I felt her settle heavily over my thighs. "That doesn't make it right, Draco. That just means-"_

_I cut her off, pulling her firmly forward and stealing a kiss to effectively silence her arguments. Laying here with my witch, in my bed, while just about the entire rest of the school went off to do whatever things they did during the holiday, while we played word games instead of using our privacy for quality debauching was just another thing that made me realize how happily I was going to throw aside the Malfoy tradition for her—for **us**._

_The woman was painfully brilliant, drawing me in to silly things like this in the first place and running circles around me academically – another thing never to be admitted to aloud – while still being so uniquely stunning. It'd made me ache the first time I realized I wanted her and couldn't have her...it'd been worse when I realized that I bloody well **could**._

_I released her from my hold; foreheads still pressed together, my hand curled around her neck. "You're my light, Hermione...you're my light in this dark place..."_

_**.**_

_**_,.-'~'-..-'~'-.,_**_

_**Goodbye to you**_

_**Goodbye to everything I thought I knew**_

_**You were the one I loved**_

_**The one thing that I tried to hold on to**_

_**The one thing that I tried to hold on to**_

_**-.,_,.-'~~'-.,_,.-**_

_**,**_

I jolted awake, though I'm not sure if I'd fallen asleep actually or passed out from the dizziness from before. My back was chilled from however long I was out, but I ignored the feeling. Hastily, I got to my feet, tripping over my boots and the slush of melted snow that'd formed, never having gotten to removing them earlier.

That dream – _no_ – that was a memory. It couldn't have been anything less. The feel of her skin, the smell of her hair...it was all too real, that fragrance that belonged to Granger still burned my nose like I'd just had her. It should have turned my stomach. It should have made me gag. It did anything but. Instead, it reignited that heat, that pressure in my chest and – Salazar, save me – I wanted to find her and see if she really felt like that.

There was a pressure in my head, something at the backs of my eyes, my neck, and my nose, basically just everywhere. It pressed and pressed and pressed and THAT did make me want to vomit. I fell over my own feet, stumbling to my wardrobe and dropping to my knees before the drawer I remembered. There was something I'd kept there for her...something of a surprise. I jerked the thing open, pulling out the various underthings I kept there, scattering them everywhere around me in my haste until the drawer was emptied of all its contents.

Nothing.

I growled in frustration, hands palming over the wood frantically, looking for anything, any sign of—what? What did I really expect to find there? That _had_ to have been a memory...but I had no idea from when. I tried to pull it back to my consciousness so I could examine more closely what she looked like, anything to try and determine _when_ it had occurred, but like before, the harder I searched for it, the more slippery it became. It evaded my grasp and I was left with just a surreal memory of a memory and a cold pit of unease in my gut. The details were leaving me like when you would awaken from sleep and a vivid dream only to forget it immediately upon waking. I couldn't remember...there was a girl...there was...I was with someone...here...there was something in my wardrobe.

With another snarl at the accursed drawer, I ripped it free of its slides and threw it across the room with so much force, the thing smashed apart against the stone. I slid to the floor again, raking both hands back through my hair, my head dropping back to the wardrobe doors with a dull thud. I heaved a sigh past my lips, not knowing what the hell had just happened, but feeling like I needed to leave...needed to find someone. Maybe they would be able to explain...whoever they were...

"DAMMIT!" I pounded a fist to the ground next to me.

Something glittered from across the room.

I blinked and focused in the direction I thought I saw it, but found nothing. I stared hard at the wall, scanning over the splintered drawer. My eyes raked over the same spots over and over again and I was ready to say sod it all when the light filtering through my window shifted and caught it again.

_There!_

I was on my hands and knees in a second, scrambling across the room like some kind of mad hound. I plucked the splinters away, my eyes still focused on the spot where I KNEW I saw it this time until I uncovered...a ring?

It was small and silver, fitted for someone clearly petite in size. There were no fancy, ornate designs on the outside of the band and in its equally simple setting was a sensibly sized diamond. This was an engagement ring, _obviously_, though it wasn't the kind that I'd imagine any of the Pureblood witches I knew would accept. I blinked back to examine the piece of wood near where I'd discovered it, finding that it had been tucked into a very small compartment housed in the front panel of the drawer. My fingers brushed over what was left of the hidden spot.

"...I had to add this...because she found the other ring..."

The sound of my own voice in the silent room surprised me. I looked around to make sure I was still alone and shook my head to clear away my perpetual headache.

She. There was a she...I was going to propose to...her. This tiny ring felt like a lead weight in my hand. There was something here, something that I KNEW would make everything clear – I felt it somewhere in the back of my mind.

I turned the ring around in my hand, steadying myself with a breath that still reeked of nervousness. Gulping down the lot of it, I dared a peek on the inside of the band.

My eyes widened, barely finishing the last word when everything – _**EVERYTHING** _– came crashing back.

_**.**_

_**_,.-'~'-..-'~'-.,_**_

_**And it hurts to want everything and nothing at the same time**_

_**I want what's yours and I want what's mine**_

_**I want you**_

_**But I'm not giving in this time**_

_**-.,_,.-'~~'-.,_,.-**_

_**,**_

The world spun around me. An iron-bound chest in my mind had had its latch broken and released all of my memories.

I managed to get to my feet and make it down the hall and out of the common room.

My knees were weak against the emotions tied to each memory, but I kept pushing on. That cold gnawing in the pit of my stomach should have eased with the memories coming back to me, but it only grew into an even more solid weight of dread.

With the way I'd seen her last those few weeks back...with today being our anniversary...no, there was no way she was alright.

I had to go.

I needed to find her—**_NOW_**.

Climbing the staircase to the main levels everything triggered a new memory, nearly bowling me over each time.

_We hid in that alcove when someone would come by..._

_..she tripped me there, from that bench, to get back at me for turning some of her hair blue at lunch..._

_I kissed her here for the first time._

_That's the classroom we would meet in between Potions and DADA...the same one where she'd tried to give me my ring-_

"FUCK," I growled, punching the nearest wall with the side of my fist, staggering from the exertion.

I took a moment to compose myself, ignoring the few stares of the students that lingered in the castle today.

Where the hell was I where there even _was_ anyone hanging about?

I looked around, getting my bearings, eyes wide when I realized that my mindless steps had taken me near the library. With renewed energy, I broke into a sprint, willing with everything I had in me for her to be there.

_**.**_

_**_,.-'~'-.,_**_

_**'**_

_"Don't take the Weasel." I moved into her reading light, trying to force her to look at me._

_"I'm sorry, who are you again?" she replied tartly, not bothering to even lookup._

_I growled and slammed her book shut, earning a hard glare when it almost snapped shut on her fingers. Unthinking, I latched onto her wrist, dragging her with me through several stacks of books to increase the distance between us and that busybody, Pince. I deposited her against a shelf, doing my best not to flinch when her back hit the edge harder than I intended._

_Her hand connected with my cheek before I knew it was even en route, the sting of it refreshing in a morbid sort of way. I grabbed her again, moved to trap her between my body and the books at her back._

_I whispered urgently, desperately, "Don't take him."_

**_._**

**__,.-'~'-..-'~'-.,__**

**_Goodbye to you_**

**_Goodbye to everything I thought I knew_**

**_You were the one I loved_**

**_The one thing that I tried to hold on to_**

**_The one thing that I tried to hold on to_**

**_-.,_,.-'~~'-.,_,.-_**

**_,_**

Of all the times in the world for her to _not_ be in the only place she ever went when she was upset, this was a piss poor time!

I growled, stalking through the halls of the castle, running my hands back through my hair in agitation and fatigue. Not in the library, supposedly not in any of the other common rooms with her friends, though who really knows if those few idiots I found were telling me any kind of truth. The only other major places left to check were the Great Hall and the Head's tower.

I rounded the corner, slamming open the doors to the hall with more force than I meant to or thought I was capable of, even. There wasn't much of anyone here either, but all eyes present turned to me and my entrance. Ignoring the varying looks I received, I scanned all the tables, looking for the telltale mass of unruly brown curls, to no avail. My heart thudded in my chest and it felt like another loss to add to the pot.

Head's tower next then, hopefully she'll be there.

_Hopefully she'll be okay._

My feet carried me dutifully to the new tower. I visited Blaise there occasionally but I was still of the opinion that it was too far away from everything else to be a good location, with far too many stairs. I gave the daunting staircase one short look and a sneer before propelling myself up the steps, taking them two and three at a time.

I was so concentrated on my next set of steps that I nearly ran head on into another student. To be fair, how much traffic was I really supposed to anticipate in the Head's tower stairwell over the Christmas holiday with one of the Heads having gone home?

"Watch where you're going-" I started automatically, blinking at the male student, about my same height, decked out in a _festive_ argyle jumper and juggling a tray of completely untouched food. "-Longbottom?"

"Malfoy," the boy said with a bit of surprise.

"What are you doing here?" I asked hastily, eyes darting to the food then back in the direction he'd come from. My eyes grew round; he was coming _back_ from the tower. "Hermione," I muttered without thinking. I looked at him again, encroaching on his space with a demanding growl, "Hermione, is she up there?"

He looked confused, then nervous after he realized what I'd asked. Finally, Longbottom straightened a stony face in place. "What's it to you, Malfoy?"

I raised an eyebrow at him, looked him over as well. He'd squared his shoulders and his head was held high with his chin set sternly, eyes narrowed down at me. If I hadn't been _me_ and he hadn't been also carrying a tray of assorted tiny foods - biscuits and tarts and things - I might have been mildly intimidated.

"I need to know," I started, taking a step so I was a head taller than him when I spoke again, "Is. She. Up. There?"

Longbottom did his best try at a scowl and took two steps to my one, towering over me in the stairwell and effectively blocking my path. "I don't think you _do_ need to know, Malfoy. Don't you have somewhere else you need to be? Like anywhere else."

Great. Excellent. Of the handful of students in the fucking school to stay for the holiday, this little guard-lion had to be one of them. I really didn't have time for this distraction. Hermione had been waiting for me, trying to return my memory for the better part of a year, she'd waited long enough.

Growling again, I fisted my hands in Longbottom's jumper, garnering a surprised yelp from him that I just couldn't spend another second to enjoy. Forcefully, I shoved him against the wall, the tray he'd been carrying clattering free when he grabbed at my wrists in a mild struggle. "LOOK, Longbottom...I need to see _Hermione_ and I need to know if she's up there or not. And if NOT, I need to know where she is."

I heard the clattering of the tray and foodstuffs falling down the stairwell and that clenching in my stomach announced itself again. My heart raced at the sudden realization that whatever he'd tried to do for her, she hadn't allowed it. This one, this _Neville_, they were close, I remember. Hermione wasn't like me, she didn't shut down and shut out her friends in times of stress and misery, she leaned on them...she never dismissed them like that.

"There's no **_TIME_ **for this," I yelled, suddenly frantic, "You need to take me to her!"

Longbottom entertained a blatant look of confusion on his face and I know he was looking at me like I was barking – fuck, I probably was. He shoved my hands off of him, climbing backwards up another step and I let him. "Why?" he said carefully, blinking back over his shoulder then back to me with a narrowed glare. "What do you want with her? And why do you keep calling her that?"

"Well it's her bloody name isn't it?!" I snapped harshly, repeating the sentiment she'd uttered to me sweetly the day that everything changed between us. I breathed deeply, willing calm and patience through my limbs, staggering against another memory.

The boy's brave façade faltered at my weakness and stumble. "A-are you alright, Malfoy?"

_No_. I laughed to myself at the oddity of this all but it dissolved into a breathy sound of insanity. I shook my head and looked back up to Hermione's awkward protector with eyes that _felt_ bloodshot.

"I-it's our anniversary," I heard myself croak out pathetically as though it would explain everything to him.

He scoffed and glared. His voice was hard again, offended, "How thick do you think I am? Get out of here! Leave her alone, she's not seeing anybody right now...sh-she's had a hard enough time coming back this year without having to deal with _you_ too."

He had no idea.

None of our friends did...like the idiot I was, I saw to that. Of course he wanted me nowhere near her.

He had no idea how deeply this ran and how dangerous it was that she'd turned him away today.

Shakily, I fumbled around in my inner pocket and produced the dainty ring that had brought me back to her. She never knew I'd planned to propose...she couldn't lock away those memories tied to the touch and the weight of her engagement ring like she could everything else because she never even knew it existed. It brought me back...maybe it would help me again.

Any pretense of strength I'd had before completely went and drained from me then. "_Please_ Longbottom...just...look.."

Warily, he eyed the ring as I shoved it at him. I think he knew immediately what it was the second he saw it, but he still hesitated. He reached out like the thing would burn him, though eventually he did pluck it from my hand. I watched him turn it between his fingers only long enough to see the color bleed from his face, knowing he'd seen the inscription, knowing the instant he believed me.

**_._**

**__,.-'~'-..-'~'-.,__**

**_Goodbye to you_**

**_Goodbye to everything I thought I knew_**

**_You were the one I loved_**

**_The one thing that I tried to hold on to_**

**_The one thing that I tried to hold on to_**

**_-.,_,.-'~~'-.,_,.-_**

**_,_**

Longbottom whispered the password to the previously slumbering manticore and I had to fight the urge to roll my eyes at the attempted stealth, even as he helped support my faltering strength and balance. There were far more urgent manners that needed tending to than worrying about keeping their password a secret! The portrait barely slid aside fully before I was beyond the threshold, tumbling through ungracefully.

As soon as I entered, my eyes fell upon her. I heard her sad, tortured sobs from across the room and I wanted to go to her, but I suddenly found my feet rooted to the stone beneath me. It was the first time I had seen her – _truly seen her_ – since our last time together in the Room of Requirement. Her poor, frail body was hunched over and shaking, cries rippling out of her in an endless stream of agony, knees pulled into her stomach and one hand tangled in her mass of curls with the other outstretched towards her wand that lay well out of her reach. She was crushed, she was devastated, she was completely and utterly heartbroken, but, Merlin help me, she was beautiful. She was so beautiful because she was right there and I **_remembered_ **everything and I would make it up to her. I would spend the rest of my life – eternity – making it up to her because now I COULD.

"Hermione?" I said shakily, surprised that I was able to even find my voice as I took a couple more wary steps into the common area.

The horrid sobs stopped at once and her head came up and around, more than surprised to see anyone at her doorway, much less me, I was sure. She whirled around so quickly that she stumbled and in an instant, I was there. I braced her firmly and grit my teeth against the noise that wanted to free itself when I felt how thin she'd become and how papery her skin was to the touch. It may not have been three weeks of it, but she sure as shit had hardly been eating recently, if at all.

"Dra-Malfoy," she stammered, looking at me through her eyelashes with a wince ready at my inevitable outrage at her tripping over my name. "H-how d-did you.."

Her teeth were chattering, making her barely able to grind out the question and I frowned deeply, wanting nothing else but to chase away the cold from her bones forever. She would never be left alone like this again. "Blaise," I lied easily, sparing her friend the responsibility of my entry at the moment and pinning it on my own mate for giving out the password. I didn't want her thinking of him anyway; I didn't want her mind anywhere but here.

I watched her brows crease together like she was processing the answer, her weakness and the cold visibly stunting her normally so sharp mind. I hurriedly unfastened my coat and draped it around her shoulders, taking my time to settle it snugly about her tiny frame. The expensive wool dwarfed her petite figure and if she'd not been shaking so hard, I may have found it cute. Flipping the lapels up to nestle warmly around her neck and trap what residual heat my body left with the coat in against her, I moved her closer to me and ran my hands in firm lines up and down her arms.

"H-h-he went home f-ff-for break," she stuttered, a bodily shudder stealing away any other words she might have to say.

Her head wobbled, eyes fluttering open and shut, open and shut and I pulled her closer still. It seemed only then that she noticed me, right there with her. She searched for the source of new warmth and blinked at my coat curiously before turning back again to look at _me_.

I swallowed. Her eyes were glazed and she wasn't all there, I could tell. Hermione, _my_ Hermione, was struggling to stay awake and coherent and understand what was happening, looking at me like she wasn't quite sure who I was. I choked back that thought and the corresponding lump in my throat. No, she hasn't forgotten me, she's just...she's just tired, exhausted...it's not the same.

"I came to see you."

It didn't sound like me even to my ears, so I tried not to be surprised when her brows dipped further and her head tilted to one side, looking as though I just admitted to being a Nancy.

"What?"

It almost hurt me physically to watch her struggle with such a simple task. I kept rubbing the warmth back into her with firm persistence and her head tilted the other way, examining my face. It was then that her eyes widened and she looked down again at my coat, then at my hands.

I would remember the single, solitary moment where realization flooded back into her for the rest of my life. Those dazed, glossed over chocolate eyes suddenly flared to life, like blowing the dust off a long forgotten box of mementos. They darted all over, taking in my hair, my face, my eyes, my lips, everything.

I watched her lips move, gasping a bit like a fish on land until a soft whimper came out. She gulped with a small shake of her head and reached for me. Her fingers were thin and spindly, also touched by her malnutrition and I felt the sharp stab of guilt and an angry voice in my own tenor snarling at how pitiful of a job I'd done in taking care of my woman.

Hermione's hand paused, shaking with a very clear fear plastered over her eyes and face that she was somehow dreaming and I would slap her away any moment. "Dra..co..?" she finally croaked out, showing now embarrassment over the desperation present in the call of my name.

_Yes_. I reached out and took her hand and pressed it firmly to my cheek, ignoring that I may as well have been holding a handful of icicles. My breath left me in a jarring shudder, knowing that I'm the one that left her this way, intentionally or not, **_I_ **was the one who caused this.

"Yes," I said aloud this time and I heard her gasp.

I felt the sting of wetness at the backs of my eyes and I didn't give a flying fuck as I reached for her, brushing away her matted hair from her face. I warmed her cheek with my palm, wiping the frigid skin free of her tears and snot and spittle and still thinking she was the most gorgeous creature I'd ever laid eyes upon.

"I'm sorry..." The first few of my own tears trickled free, but I just thanked the heavens, the founders, anyone, everyone, that I had her again. "I'm so, so, so very sorry..."

I heard that gut wrenching cry tear itself from her throat and she flung herself into my arms. Her hands were everywhere, touching, feeling, grabbing, clawing, slapping me until my cheek was numb, then she was kissing it better and burying her face against my neck, wailing. I couldn't make out everything she said past the tears clogging her throat, but she was talking to me and that was all I needed at that very moment.

My shoulders shook with the force of my own sobs and I buried my face into her rat's nest of curls – I loved them so much, I loved this, I loved **_her_**. I held her like that for what seemed like hours, but it must have only been minutes because I looked up and Longbottom was in the entryway, staring and slack jawed. If it'd been any other day, I would've howled at him to get out, but as it was, I didn't care what he saw.

_They'd all know after today._

Longbottom seemed to finally realize he was staring and catching flies when our eyes met. He gave me something of an astonished look, taking in the way Hermione clung to me. His eyes swept over her again and I know my own narrowed in response, hugging her tighter to me and _away_ from him. He found it funny, apparently, and chuckled. Shaking his head, he gave us both another look and to my surprise, a solid nod before turning and leaving us alone.

Hermione moved away to look my in the eyes. She scanned over my reddened face and seemed to then realize that she was probably in no better shape, and turned away from me quickly. Never wanting her to turn from me again, I caught her and coaxed her back to my lips so I could chase away everything, just for this moment.

She hiccuped a cry into my mouth and I chuckled and kissed her again, and again, and again, and _AGAIN_, until she turned those sad lips upwards in a shy smile. I closed my eyes and pressed her to me, stroking circles over her cheeks, my lips brushing lightly over hers and it was a bit before I realized I'd been talking, mumbling incoherent nonsense against her.

"I found you," I heard myself say. By this point I'd pulled her into my lap and she slumped heavily in my arms, her own coming around my middle to hold me closely. She pressed her nose to my neck and breathed deeply of my scent, letting out a contented noise so sweet that I chuckled.

_...never leaving you again..._

I leaned away carefully so as not to startle, though her eyes grew wide and her mouth fell open, ready to speak, but I silenced her with an easy look. I snaked my hand between us, reaching in to the inner pocket of my coat that she wore like a great cloak still, to extract the ring again.

Pulling her left hand free from me, my heart pounded in my ears when I saw her other ring that I'd given her during that awful year. I knew she'd kept it, I remembered seeing it on her from the time where I'd still been missing my other memories, but somehow it was different seeing it here, like this. I gulped and turned the band smoothly on her thin digit with my right hand, splaying her fingers a bit also with the move.

Clearing my throat, I urged her focus back on my face as I righted the band in my other hand, glancing down quickly just long enough to be able to line up the new ring with the correct finger. As confidently as I could manage, I held her gaze for as long as she would allow, sliding the jewelry into place next to the promise ring. Finally, her brown eyes flicked down to see what it was that just happened, the following expression that lit up her features loosened the knot in my stomach, but it wasn't official until words were spoken.

"I made you a promise...and I intend to keep it." I swallowed past that lump again, holding her left hand with mine and using the other to brush more of her hair back. I gazed at her in a way that would've made a younger me gag. That younger me could shove it. "I don't want to wait any longer, not after..."_-not after losing you-_ The remembrance of that unnerving emptiness that accompanied the loss of our times together nearly broke my heart just thinking on it. "...i-is this okay?" I asked carefully.

Hermione's smile blossomed almost immediately and it was quite contagious. "Yes," she said breathlessly and I blew out a breath I hadn't realized I'd been holding. She nodded and cupped my face, every single one of her pearly white teeth showing in her rapidly growing excitement. "Yes...yes, yes, yes, gods Draco, _yes_...it's perfect." I felt her arms encircle me again, tightening possessively – a hug I returned eagerly. "_You're perfect_..." she whispered against my neck.

It was my turn to breathe her in...so I did. She always smelled inexplicably of roses and _fresh_ things. It didn't have to be one thing in particular, but she was always so fresh and clean, not masked by multitudes of strong and heady perfumes or anything unpleasant. Hermione was always simply..._Hermione_. I shook my head and squeezed her firmly to me, grinning into her hair and placing a kiss to the top of her head. "No, _you're_ perfect."

I heard her chuckle and felt her hands, now sufficiently warmed, press at my back. "I love you."

I shivered, not having heard those words in far too long. My hand raked up into her hair, clutching at the soft, bouncy locks to distract me, but it didn't work. My tears had returned, though there was no anguish and loss in them this time, only my thankfulness to whatever power thought me worthy enough to allow me to find my way back to the witch in my arms.

**_._**

**__,.-'~'-..-'~'-.,__**

**_And when the stars fall_**

**_I will lie awake_**

**_You're my shooting star_**

**_-.,_,.-'~~'-.,_,.-_**

**_,_**

"I love you too, Hermione.." I whispered into her hair, my tears having calmed enough to no longer thicken my words, "Hermione...you are my light in this dark place." I echoed the inscription on her band quietly. They were the words from the moment I knew I never wanted to let her go...they were the words that led me back through the shadows to her once more.

I kissed the top of her head and she nestled further into my arms, exactly where she belonged.

I felt her cling more tightly to me and heard her mutter in a tone that was sounding much more like her usual self already, "I told you not all who wander are lost.."

I smirked.

"Know-it-all."


End file.
